South Bi-Curious

Sorry to those of you who have been waiting for the low-down on the rest of our SXSW adventure, lack of sleep and internet access have prevented me from updating until now. If you can pick up and throw away any of the names I've dropped all over this entry, it would be greatly appreciated, as I fear I am becoming somewhat obnoxious:

March 18- Having received ample clothing and goodies from Diesel at the in-store yesterday afternoon, we all fancied that we made quite the flashy and fashionable entrance at the afternoon party where TBA had an early performance. None of us have been able to afford new clothing for quite some time, so the snappy designer gear instilled us all with the same sort of confidence and swagger I imagine P Diddy floats on when he hits the clubs in a new Rolls. Our bubble was quickly burst, however, when we spotted the Kaiser Chiefs in the crowd wearing pretty much exactly the same duds as us. Their bass player and keyboardist were wearing *exactly* the same outfit as me. I cried a little cry, but then I put my chin up. After all, the Kaiser Chiefs have the *cool* thing down pat. And if we can have style one-tenth as hip as theirs, then we're pretty well off. And we had picked out the exact same outfits! Why, I have amazing style! The best! I bleed cool! The show went brilliantly.

We had a Tommy Lee sighting shortly thereafter, and somehow my mind forgot everything that comes along with his name--Motley Crue, his rotating drum cage, Heather Locklear, Pamela Anderson Lee, beaten Pamela Anderson Lee--everything except for PENIS. I thought, "there's the guy with the PENIS." His penis changed my life, really. Before his "private" video circulated, I thought the male sex organ was fairly limited in its uses. You know, it's for the things boys do in the bathroom, and the things boys do in their girl/boyfriends. (Sometimes these things are interchangeable, and sometimes boys do the things with their girl/boyfriends in the bathroom, but it's still pretty simple.)

Tommy Lee can drive his SUV with his PENIS.

Viewing that for the first time made me so very small and vulnerable; nothing in the world felt the same. What if the chef at my favorite restaurant cooked my food with his PENIS? What if Shakespeare wrote MacBeth with his PENIS? What if President Bush orchestrated the war on terror with his PENIS? Seeing Tommy Lee in Austin pushed all this back into the forefront of my consciousness. Fortunately I was drunk enough at the time to forget about him quickly, and we scurried over to Emo's just in time for the Raveonettes and Har Mar Superstar.

Har Mar was on his game, but Nathaniel managed to steal the show. Halfway through the Superstar's set, Nathaniel straddled him mid-song, tongued the singer for about half a minute, then proceeded to monkey himself up to the rafters of the venue, splitting his chin in the process. If one hangs out with Nathaniel long enough, it soon becomes apparent that the things he does in his boy/girlfriends usually involve an audience. Those who bear witness to his savage acts of love always come back for more. We'll see how many Har Mar fans show up at the gigs tomorrow...

March 19- In the midst of the 'Corn Gangg's set at the afternoon Making Time party, a greater power decided to start a downpour. (The 'Corn Gangg are ex-members of the Unicorns gone hip-hop, and they're NOT TO BE MISSED.) The rain would have been fine and dandy had the stage not been set up outside, underneath a tent. Cancellation of the rest of of the show was briefly considered--the promoters were fretting over the possibility of performers electrocuting themselves--but thanks to the ingenue of the Duke Spirit, we simply moved all of the equipment inside the tiny bar next to the stage, and the Blood Arm played for the soaked crowd indoors. Readers who were in attendance, please testify how crazy this set was. Nathaniel was swinging from the ceiling, the crowd was swinging from the ceiling, beer, sweat, and semen were flying through the air... It was reminiscent of my rainy elementary school days, when the teachers were forced to keep the students indoors, and we all just tossed our nuts. Chandeliers were swung on and broken, small children were thrown about like rag dolls. Insanity.

I'm tired now. I need sleep. Will finish entry in fragments. Saw Midnight Movies, brilliant! Crowd demands encore for 1am TBA showcase at Velvet Spade, brilliant! 22 hour drive home, with Zebastian blaring air-conditioning and adult-contemporary country music, not so brilliant!

Until next time...

-Ben Lee