How to Pick Up Chicks and Tricks

When I was in high school, my grades were quite good--I excelled in English and History--but I was utterly hopeless in the fine art of picking up members of the opposite sex. I was spat on, labeled a geek-for-life, and laughed at in the hallways. Every day was a constant struggle. I hid in the bathrooms and tried to make myself invisible. Fortunately, in my sophomore year an elder student took me under his wing and explained me a few can't-miss schemes for undeniable coolness and success with the ladies. Today I am blessed with a beautiful wife and four lovely children (five if you count our dog, Jacob), not to mention my dreamy job as MC for the Blood Arm. Though I am wont to divulge all of my benefactor's secrets, they are secrets, and by the nature of all things secret, I must keep them under lock and key. (Here are a few starting tips, though: make a lot of money, buy a purebred puppy, and perfect the I-accidentally-left-my-[insert item of much sentimental value here]-at-your-place maneuver.) Oh, happiness is grand!

And at my last high school reunion, if you could have seen the heads turn!

Tonight is a reunion of sorts, as we of the Blood Arm party have been away for a while. If you thought the band rocked before the UK tour, you should really see them now. Come on out and behold the Blood Arm's new bag of tricks! (You won't be sorry, I promise.) And if you're lucky, maybe I'll let slip a secret or two...

-Ben Lee