Bristol Beecham's Fuck You; Brutality in London

In Bristol, we invented the Bristol Beecham’s Fuck You*. This took us on a supernatural journey on a supernatural boat. Or something.

No, the boat was real.


As was my subsequent marriage to a child bride.


Then we were in London, and it was brutal. Nathaniel raped and pillaged a lot.


(Bristol brought out the pirate in the singer, and it hasn’t washed off yet—he hasn’t bathed in a while.)

Honestly, I can’t really remember what happened after the show—Beecham’s—but I woke up at Keith Top of the Pops’ house, so the night must have ended there.

We’re in France now, bonjour!, stay tuned for regular updates!

I love you,

Ben Lee Handler

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*Ingredients:

One part Beecham's All-In-One.
Two parts Jack Daniel's Premium Whiskey.

Mix and enjoy!

Let The River Run...

Can anyone confirm that the Carly Simon Easter Special did indeed actually happen on BBC Radio 2 yesterday, and that it wasn’t some shared hallucination aboard Air Force Fun on the road from Manchester to Nottingham? (I’m fairly convinced the talking candy bar didn’t exist, and the midget waving from the roadside seems a little unlikely, but the Carly Simon show was so hauntingly real. And it was totally about us. Sorry.)

I should probably mention that this stuff has become my new life’s blood:


Not only does it cure common colds, headaches, nausea and pregnancy, it also makes life taste good again. The colors… so savory to the touch! Like, I can taste them by touching them! Red is strawberry, blue is boysenberry, the orange is mango... Beecham’s All In One is All For Fun, and I’m never gonna come down again.

We’ve been to Cardiff, Manchester and Nottingham in the past few days.

In Cardiff someone wrote the word “Penis” on the air conditioner,


in Manchester Laura and Alan gave us even more facial hair,


and in Nottingham Zachary got fucked.


Nottingham also witnessed what I’ve officially dubbed The Best The Blood Arm Show Ever. Hopefully someone else will blog about it, because my fingers are tired.

This is what Nathaniel looked like at the end:


I love you,

Ben Lee Handler