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Friday, January 13, 2006

I'm Sorry

I've joined this club recently, and part of its charter is that all the members apologize for rotten things we did in the past before we belonged. (The first step is admitting you have a problem, the second step is... It's that kind of club.) Believe it or not, there are a lot of horrible deeds hanging around my neck. It's time to cut them loose and live free once more... Start over again and all that. I love you all and I never meant to hurt you, even when I did.

I am so, so sorry:

Zachary. For that time I said I'd pick you up from band practice when your car was in the shop, but wound up forcing you to call a taxi because “I had a rough night out with Zebastian.” I truly enjoy helping you out whenever I can, and I definitely could have helped you out then. That day has haunted me for ages now, and I hope you can still count on me to lend you a hand in the future. Forgive me.

Mom. Remember when I said I couldn’t visit you that weekend because Wife was ill? And you called her phone and she sounded fine and said I was out at the bar with Zebastian? Yeah. That was bad. Our time together means a lot to me—definitely more than some time spent drinking in a bar. I had my priorities all screwed up then, but I hope we can put it behind us. A thousand apologies.

The Blood Arm. For the morning you found me and Zebastian in the gutter in front of the Queen’s Hotel in Leeds at 8:30am, when lobby-call was at eight, and we were forced to miss dinner in Edinburgh in order to make soundcheck on time. I was out of my mind. The opportunity you give me as Master of Ceremonies for the band is the greatest job I’ve ever had. (Ha ha, it’s hard to even call it “work,” I have so much fun doing it!) I really cherish our times together on the road, and will do everything within my ability not to let you down again. Please forgive me.

Wife. For that time I said we'd go out to dinner on our anniversary, just me and you. I had been away on tour for a while and it was our first chance for some alone time in months. It was wrong of me to bring Zebastian along, even if Sushi Ike is his favorite restaurant. It was worse of me to vomit all over the table. (That joke Zebastian made about see-food was pretty great though, you have to admit. “Somebody had oysters for dinner!” Ha ha, what a character.) I’ve loved every moment of our past twenty years together, and it was dreadful of me to sully that important milestone. I love you so much. I am so sorry.

My children: Penelope, Alexander, Jehova, and Jonas. When I promised to take you to the baseball game for Jonas’ birthday, I really wanted to take you to the baseball game. Honestly, I love spending time with you, and I cherish our every moment together. Whatever you thought that afternoon, I don’t prefer drinking beer and wrestling with Zebastian in my underwear to being with you, no matter what your friends say at school. I had lost track of time, lost sight of the important things. You are the lights of my life, my shining stars of Bethlehem. I will make it up to you. I promise.

My sister. Honestly, I have no recollection of how we wound up at your house while you were away on vacation, or how the baby oil got all over your bed sheets—ha ha, what a mess! Zebastian shouted “bathroom supply fight!” and that’s about the last thing that stuck before I blacked out. You know I’ll pay you back and clean up everything, but the trust that was lost between us will be more difficult to repair. We are bound by blood, you and I, and I violated that bond. If it takes a lifetime, I will earn your trust again. I love you with all my heart. Please accept my humble apology.

If there is anyone I’ve forgotten—and there’s a lot I can’t remember from the previous chapter of my life, ha ha—please make a note of it below. God speed!

-Ben Lee


Blogger boadwee blog said...

fascinating! i miss you and brenda gnarlene like mad. call me! xo kb

8:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It seems Zebastian is the new Zachary of 2006. I feel a little sad for Zachary now, but I'm sure your love for him will never end.

9:12 PM  
Blogger BLOOD AMBITION 2006 said...

The "club" I'm with only prohibits my relationship with one sinister being (or should I say poison)... My love for all the Blood Arms remains as great as it ever was!

3:37 PM  

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